chance of rain

30.12.02

TEST

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i am in the sky
my feet dangling around
you can't get me down

i float when i'm free
and i have no intention
of ever landing on ground



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if i could play guitar
i'd sit on my porch
just sturming chords
and i'd think of you

if i could sing at all
i'd stretch across
a grand piano
and sing my tune

but instead
i'm just sitting here
quiet and still
with thoughts of my dear.

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i am a tree
i shall not move

you can cut me down
or make me strong

but if you take care of me
i'll do my best to give you shelter

i am a tree
i shall not move

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she sat on her porch
and looked up to the sky
there was no point in wiping
the tears from her eye

some stories you hear
and you soon forget
but some hang over your head
they won't let you forget

some souls in this world
only graze the surface
but reach straight through
to your bones

if it was only a flesh wound
she'd just walk away
but her heart
was melting away.

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stand tall
that's a joke
act aloof
i couldn't even if i tried
it's not me
i can't hide what i feel
try as i might

and maybe it's cool
to be cold and icy
but you see
that's not me
i can't be that girl
i have to tell the world

and i can't help but get excited
about things you deem childish
and i don't mind
being the fool
once in a while
or more often than not

and you might laugh
while i reel
but i can't help
the way i feel

it's not my nature to hide
i can't say i'm unaffected
even if its me against the world
i can't be that girl

it might be stupid
and it might seem funny
when i abandon all sense of logic
but take a walk in my shoes
and you might feel something
and something
is better than nothing

i don't do well trying to be calm
i'm up and down
while you're over and out



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twisted
metal and steel
life is worth more than this

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somehow i know
coffee won't quench my thirst
this time.
and the shiver that i feel,
can't be warmed with another blanket.
and one thing that could calm my nerves
would only send my heart racing

and if any of this made sense to me
i'd just write it all off as ancient history.

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fickle,
or steadfast?
i can never decide.
sometimes i forget
somethings i can't hide.
am i settling down
or just starting up?
what do you think?
what was i thinking
sometimes you're dead on
or were you not really aiming?
why does my head hurt
and the breeze feel so heavy
fickle
or steadfast
i can never decide.

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thump.

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i like coffee, yes i do!
i only quit when i have the flu!
keeps me awake
and makes me shake
not much rhymes with coffee
except for maybe toffee



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what makes you want to kick things?
what makes you chew your fingertips to the bone?
i want to know.
because you do.
what pushes you right off the edge?
what tests your sanity?
what would it take
to blow your mind?
i want to know.
i want to know what makes you tick.
i want to know what makes you squirm.

why am i standing here?
just biting on my thumb.
what did i hope to say to you?
why did you turn away so fast?
i never said that i was done.

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i like packaging tape and mustard
and finally enjoy my veggies
i wear a watch every day
twice monthly, i collect my pay
but i don't feel grown-up
when will i feel like an adult?

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when will i lose my inhibitions
and be able to say what i want when i want
without fearing what people think

it's easy enough to give sound advice
but quite difficult to follow it yourself

i can tell you to be true and follow your soul
and to not take crap from anyone
but most times, i find myself
too afraid to speak from my own heart

how will i find my own voice
if i'm too afraid to sing a song
how will they know what i'm thinking
if i shut up and agree with whatever they say

how will i ever tell my story
if i keep so wrapped up in myself


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please don't be late
i want to begin my life
right now
i've waited long enough
to know the difference
between what i want
and what i need
but i've lost all my patience


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why do you deflate her?
does it make you feel better
does it make you feel stronger
to prove someones weaker
could it be a disease
and not really their problem but yours
through no fault of her own
she takes it to heart
while you set it in stone
why must you deflate her
when she only wants to lift you up
you only drag her down


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somebody else's house
no matter how many times
he passed through the that door, or
how often he sat on that couch,
it was never familiar.
only ever recognisable as
somebody else's house
it didn't matter the pattern
on the china, or the lace
on the curtains.
it would always be
somebody else's house
without the comfort
of a hotel room
somebody else's pillow
somebody else's life
but not his own.

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She didn't look back
after she slammed the car door
she didn't see his face
as he watched her walk away
she didn't see his sad expression
following her as she disappeared from view
she didn't know the words
'I love you' were only seconds from his mouth
and that only a glance back
could have reassured him
and given the day
a different feeling.
She slammed the door
and walked away.
she didn't know it was
her last day as wife
and first as widow.
He wouldn't know that the words
'I love you' were stubbornly
stuck in her throat.

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it doesn't surprise me to see you here
still hanging around in our old stomping grounds
you're just the way i'd pictured you
standing against that wall
you try to sit, but you can't stay still
you can ease into the driver's seat
but you can't get into gear

a little bit pretty
a little bit scared
a little bit jumpy
maybe too sure of your step
to realise what made you fall
but i saw you

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fire fly
in the night
a short burst
of lovely light
i wish you could hang around
just a little while longer

they might chase you around for fun
but they won't catch you

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drunken sun
stealing my thunder
bring on the rain
to cool me down
and ease my pain

there's a troubled sky above me
a thick hot mist
if it weren't for the sunlight that's getting through
i wouldn't see your face
there's a flicker of something sneaky in your eye
and i'm not sure what to make of your smile

drunken sun
stealing my thunder
is there a chance of rain?
to wash me down
and soothe my pain

there's a drunken sun swimming in the sky
it's so hard to stay afloat
the heat makes me dizzy, the air's hard to breathe
a girl could swoon on days like these
but i have to keep my eye on that sky
and keep my feet on the ground

drunken sun
stealing my thunder
bring on the rain
cool me down
so i can breathe again


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Ode to yodeling
(... hehe just because i'm feeling silly and i could hear somebody yodeling this... don't ask me why --you're just jealous because the little voices are talking to me)

you are lovely
if i never said anything else
know that
you could be worse for me
but you've gotten the better of me
and now i'm mumbling gibberish
in attempts to get through

i'm a fool
and a thrift-shop whore
i don't even know what that means
and you can say that i'm a bore

i'll believe you
if you just talk to me

sit with a cup of coffee
and we could talk til the sun falls asleep

there's a storm in the sky, despite all the sunshine
i see those clouds overhead
and though i don't mind the rain
i'd rather hope
to have the lightning and thunder
under my control



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why do you taunt me?
even if you don't know it
can't you befriend me?
why does it have to be so tough

if you are unaware
that i can't get over you
then please take this
as a plea from my wretched heart
i'd like to make a little room for you

because if you move even half as well
as you look right now
you might have my heart by tonight
and if you talk in a whisper
i'll lean close to hear
but just be sure you're talking to me



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habit forming

i'm a weak willed individual
just takes a wink
or the glint in your eyes
or that knowing grin

and it might be a sin
and maybe i'll be sorry someday
but i can't help myself
with you

let me tousle your hair
Heaven help me
when you make me laugh
do you have any idea
the state i'm in when you're around?

maybe you're just a dream
but what's the harm
of dreaming when the dream's of you?


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can't believe i'm over you
feels like a million years ago
when you could lead me on with just the curl of you smile
and you knew
that you had me
and you knew
all along
you knew i'd do anything
but there was one thing you hadn't counted on
i can't believe i'm over you
i get more feeling from raindrops
than from the warmth of your lips
now i'm just as numb as you
i can't believe i'm over you
i never thought that such a sweet taste could go sour

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big fat lemon drops
sickly sweet, but sour
that's what summer tastes like to me

on a cool sunday
sitting in the shade
admiring the view of the sun

but when you're stuck in the sweaty city
there's no escape from the red heat

it gets me all aflushed
i find it hard to rush
i'd like melt into the pavement

the pigeons seem just fine
they're at it all the time
if only i had the view that they do
perched up on a city roof

fireballs
and cold water
think i've simmered in the sun too long


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walk a little taller beside me
if i can't help at all
at least you can hold me
i may not solve all your problems
but maybe we could let them go for a while

walk a little taller beside me
and if you need some one to lean on
i hope you'd trust my strength
no matter how hard it seems right now
i know you'll find your way through

walk a little taller beside me
i can't promise to show you the answers
and i can't take away all your fears
but i can love you
and i hope you'll walk a little taller
if only i'm there to walk beside you

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i dare you
i might be quiet like a mouse
but i can shoot you down,
anytime
i dare you.

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why do the dreamers get shot down,
is it because they reach too high?
who's to say we can't find a common ground
who's gonna tell me i can't touch the sky?


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who do you dream of
what is it that you see
when the darkness surrounds you
is it your only company?
when i'm laying in your arms
is it me you're thinking of
how can i get inside you
how will i know our heart?

'cause we all have dreams
that we will never speak of
and we all have fears
that wear us down inside
but we all want the same thing in the end
to feel safe, to feel happy
and to have someone to love

do you lie awake some nights
and wonder when it all will end
do you wrack your brain
trying to think of one good friend
people often let us down
but we forget if they come around
do you ie yourself in knots
in your struggle to be free?

'cause we all have dreams
that we will never speak of
and we all have fears
that wear us down inside
but we all want the same thing in the end
to feel safe, to feel happy
and to have someone to love

have you locked away your heart
hoping someday someone will find it?
will you run around in circles
to come back to the place you started
what are you afraid of?
would it really hurt
to let somebody in
to call someone a friend

'cause we all have dreams
that we will never speak of
and we all have fears
that wear us down inside
but we all want the same thing in the end
to feel safe, to feel happy
and to have someone to love

and in the end
who will you love?


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two begging punks
sitting in the sun,
how did you get to this place?
did you spend your daddy's money
on pot and gin and rummy
or did you just waste it all away
on that fancy blue dye
that makes your hair look tough
you seem friendly enough

two homeless punks
with all that crazy junk
how did you get there?
how did you get that hair?

two poor kids
where did you see your life heading?
are you happy now
or just playing it day by day?


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a glorious day
the sun was blinding
against a tranquil blue sky
on our way into the city
groggy still
we sat with coffees
and hunched weakly over our desks
a tuesday morning
not unlike any old weekday
but then the news came

i don't believe it
are you serious?
i have to call my mum
then the lump in your throat
when the news kept streaming in

another plane
and then again
was one flying overhead?
were we safe?
how can i get home

is this all really happening?

the days that followed
the world seemed numb
the count remained at one
rescue changed to recovery
and you got sick of the news

by now you knew it had to have been true

so angry and sad
you don't know what to do

but 6 months have passed now
and the world's supposed to have changed
we're fighting a war,
but most people don't remember why
only 6 months ago,
we all said we'd stand together
and we'd be better neighbours
and kinder strangers
and show love to those we love

but i wonder how much
any of us have really changed

and then it all hits me in the face again
and i weep for the chance that we all lost
to come together as a nation,
or just as friends
to be better individually,
and more in touch spiritually,
i thought that maybe
we might learn to care

the clear blue sky
stained with dust
but what has really
changed in us?

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what a crap page!
rrrwaaghh!



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the only things worth living for are innocence and magic. amen.
-David Gray

i love that line
i want it to be true
but maybe innocence and magic aren't such great things to live for
maybe its just setting yourself up for disappointment,
because life has so many dark corners
and so many people want to discourage and discredit magic,
and innocence is looked upon like a disease,
it seems like everything is out in the open these days
people pretend that its for the greater good
but we don't really need to know as much as we see
there is something to be said for 'blissful ignorance'
to have faith in humanity
to remain hopeful
i think that requires a little bit of both innocence and magic
because we're all surrounded by disappointments
the world is so dark and ugly and terrifying
but to see through the darkness
and find some sort of light,
that is magic
but it's made more difficult by the fact that we are all constantly being let down by people
and by what we expected from life ... that's innocence dying.
we mustn't let it vanish completely.

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to have a lump in your throat
on a gorgeous day
for reasons, most of which you can't explain
to feel mournful, to feel lost
to feel scared

to feel so much gratitude
that my heart swells up
and i feel like crying

life is too beautiful
but so confusing
why put us through all this?
why do we have to know the inevitable,
but without much clarity

to mourn before you've lost
to feel sorrow well after the weeping's done

it is so hard to live in the moment
when you know one day it will end
it's so hard to stay joyful
when you're living the moments
you know one day you'll miss

it's a selfish sort of pain
and a backwards way to mourn
but when you cry for tomorrow
you lose today
and before too long
it has all slipped away

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nobody can steal my thoughts
even if i repress them
to be socially acceptable

i am still a lady
and i know how to behave like one

how dare you
or anyone
try to keep me from childish antics

i know how to behave
i just might choose not to
when it suits me
and that suits me
just fine

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a chance for a smile
is all i need
maybe you could see more
in my self-conscious grin

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maybe i'm sorry
maybe i'm wrong
maybe i'm just another cheesy girl
maybe not
maybe you were different
maybe i saw through you
maybe i'm afraid
you saw through me
maybe that's ok
maybe you care enough
to love me anyway.

. . . x . . . . . . . .